"How can I enjoy being a parent again?"

The small things are the big things.

“Why won’t he just listen??”

“She used to do whatever I asked, now she runs away!”

“He is defiant every time I tell him to do something now, he is so rude.”

I think what we all want is to simply enjoy our family. Enjoy being together at home at the end of a long day. The children are getting along well together while we clean the dishes and plan which story we’ll be reading tonight for bed time.

How do we get back to those blissful evenings? How do we stop the fighting, the nagging and the crying…?

Sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer.

Connect.

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Last year when I first started consulting with Simply Kids, I was bombarded by parents wanting to know the secret to behaviour. “But what can I DO?” I recall hearing over the phone from one exasperated parent. I’m going to tell you what I told her.

Hang up the phone and sit down with your four year old. Ask him questions about what HE is doing. Ask him why he enjoys it. Tell him about toys you loved when you were his age. Say something funny that you know he likes to say when he is feeling silly. Turn on his favourite song. Read him his favourite book.

Simply, connect.

Rudeness, defiance and disobedience all BEGIN with disconnection.

I now teach my families to set an alarm for each hour that everyone is home together for a five minute, floor time activity. Walk over to your children as soon as the alarm sounds and sit down next to them. Show interest in their interests.

While listening and obedience can involve more than just connection, that time you are making to connect is a huge step forward in enjoying your time together more. When you are having fun with your child you are thinking more clearly. You will be more motivated to remain connected and your approach to challenges will stop being reactive and will become proactive from a calm, thoughtful place.

Sometimes the simplest things can be the biggest things. Change always starts small.

If your child is rude to you. If your child is defiant. If your child is ignoring you. Instead of thinking up a consequence, sit down on the floor and simply connect.

CHILD CENTRED APPROACH TO BEHAVIOUR

 Photo credit Kiindred.co

Photo credit Kiindred.co

We, at Simply Kids, focus primarily on three areas of development; self-esteem, self-soothing and intrinsic self-control through our practiced child-centred approach. A child-centred approach is evidence-based solutions based on the concept that children act out in order to get their needs met as best they know how. Children are not “bad” people that are out to “get us” or make us feel bad about ourselves. With appropriate and loving support, any child has the ability to learn and develop their self-esteem, self-soothing and intrinsic self-control skills that ultimately create happier, more confident children. 

In home support is available for Sydney families ready to take their homes from chaos to calm through parent coaching, counselling services and phone consultancy. Simply Kids creator and behaviour consultant, Stephanie Wicker, has been supporting families just like yours for almost fifteen years. By learning simple, evidence-based solutions to challenging behaviour, parents and teachers find peace and confidence in dealing with tantrums, aggression, defiance and disobedience. If you are a parent or teacher seeking solutions to challenging behaviour or simple ideas for boosting daily connections and relationships, contact us today and make behaviour easy!

 
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Stephanie Wicker